Tuesday, July 30, 2013

It's been quite a year!

I realized today that it's been a year since I've posted anything. Quite a lot has happened in a year...some good, some bad but it's all part of life.

We lost our dog Loki on March 28th. She was only 4 years old. It was some kind of pancreatic thing and she went very fast. She wasn't eating on Sunday, then Monday (this wasn't unusual for her so at this point there was no warning signs)...on Tuesday when she didn't eat I talked to the daycare lady that took care of her and she said she hadn't noticed anything different about her but would watch her. On Wednesday the daycare lady called me and said something was definitely wrong. She rushed her over to the vet and Loki started going into shock. They got her on an IV then I had to come and pick her up. I was very upset because it was obvious she was very sick. They heavily sedated her and said to bring her back the next morning. She fought the sedation and her temp kept dropping. I called the emergency number they gave me and they said that I was doing everything I was supposed to and just take her in in the morning. She didn't make it to morning. She died in the middle of the night. Needless to say I was devastated. I adored that dog and of course blamed myself because I hadn't taken her in sooner. Looking back, I would have done a lot of things differently, but it's too late. I miss her every day and am in tears as I type this. We got a beautiful urn for her and I still can't take down the pics I have of her on my computers and my phone. I can look at the pics but when I look at the urn I totally fall apart.

We did get another dog..(I couldn't imagine life without a dog at this point) her name is Shiloh and she is a Chihuahua mix. We're thinking Dachshund...not sure though. She's a little sweetheart. We got lucky a second time with a good natured dog. She was already house-broken and though she still has a few issues, in general, she's a good dog.

Some of you may remember that I had gastric-bypass done back in March 2012. I have so far lost 90 pounds. Would like to lose another 70 pounds, but if it doesn't happen, I'm okay with it. I feel so much better than I did at almost 300 pounds, so I can live with where I'm at now. Part of my problem is, I am a pretty heavy drinker. I drank pretty heavily before my surgery and now it's just as bad if not worse. Turns out that people that have gastric bypass have a very high risk of alcoholism. I mentioned to the psychologist I had to see before the surgery that I was a pretty heavy drinker, but he didn't see that as a problem. I saw him a few months after the surgery and he said that he doesn't really deal with that...that he just basically pushes the patients through. He actually said that! The good thing is, that I am no longer on high blood pressure meds or anti-depressants. I literally take no meds at all anymore for anything!! That is pretty awesome in itself! I know I still need to work on the drinking, but I will say that I rarely pass out anymore. That was a huge issue...(my poor hubby). (I know this is really personal, but in all honesty, it is what it is). I went into detox for a couple of days and found out that although I obviously have a drinking problem, detox wasn't necessary...no dt's, no side effects whatsoever...so it's basically on me to just quit when I'm ready...apparently...I'm not ready.

All this being said, in general, I'm pretty happy! I have an awesome husband, a great job, oh and we traded in our RV for a 5th-wheel! We could totally live in that baby! It's gorgeous and we look forward every weekend to going there. We don't have a truck to tow it, which is okay because we lease our spot yearly...we'll be there for at least another two years. Hopefully by then we'll be able to buy a truck to tow the Montana. (40 ft of awesomeness!!) :-)

One of the reasons we leased where we did was to be closer to my family. My mom has alzheimers and my dad has gone through several surgeries over the past year. He told me that he wouldn't have gone through what he went through if he wasn't so concerned over my mom. He is so afraid of dying and leaving her. It just breaks my heart. He knows we would all be there for her if God forbid something happened to him...but it is stressing him out at the thought of putting any kind of burden on any of us. No matter what we say in the matter, that we would do whatever is necessary to take care of her, it's still taking a toll on him and we (my sister, brothers and I) feel helpless at this point. Part of the problem is that my mom said that if she ever found out she had alzheimers (after watching her father die from it), that she would kill herself. So my dad has made it clear that no one is to mention it to her in her lucid moments. Period! He has said that when he has tried to talk to her about it, that she either gets angry or cries, so he just doesn't say anything anymore and just deals with it. She was down to 85 pounds a month ago because she has no interest in food. She would have an Ensure once a day and felt that was enough. So, my sister and I decided that we would order 3 cases of Ensure to see if she would drink more than one a day...and she is. Sometimes 3 a day now. She has gained 10 pounds in the last month so that is awesome! I have it set so she gets 3 cases a month of Ensure. She's thrilled because she loves the strawberry. Hey...whatever works..right?!?!?

Things get tough now and then but like I said, it's all part of life. I know I am eventually going to lose my parents and it's going to be very difficult to handle, but I'll get through it. I know Erik will be there for me and my sister and brothers and I will stick together and our family will still get together at least once a month or more if possible, just like we do now. Our parents have taught us over the years that family is so important. We have all gone to different places and have all come back home. My parents have been married for 51 years. They have stuck together through thick and thin. They have been our mentors, our teachers, our friends. I can't imagine what my life is going to be like without them. Erik lost his mom 4 years ago and I know it's been really hard on him. He misses her every day and my heart goes out to him. She was a wonderful lady and I truly miss her. I still have her phone number on my cell phone. I haven't been able to delete it. (I feel so bad for Erik because his brother puts a price on their relationship so he has to deal with that...it's a very sad situation because Erik feels he really has nowhere else to go now that his mom is gone). My family loves Erik but it's just not the same.

I know I'm kind of all over the place here, but I just had so much to say...my brain was kind of racing as I was typing away. It's been an interesting year to say the least. Oh...I finally made it to Graceland! Been wanting to go all my life. (Still love Elvis!!) It was bittersweet though because Loki died on the 28th of March and we were leaving on the 29th of March for our trip. I cried every night while we were there. To be honest, I didn't want to be home during that time. I couldn't even imagine it. That week away was hard, but it would have been worse being home. I still cried pretty much every night for a month.

Okay...enough sad stuff!!! What else happened this past year...hmm...not a whole lot more. I think I mentioned all the important stuff. God has blessed us in so many ways...we have our ups and downs like anyone else, but through our faith, we get through it.

Take care and God bless!


  1. Welcome back after a year! Looks like things are going well!