The Auction...

They had the Auction for Ted today. We learned a lot more of his history...it really sucks what he has gone through. His insurance doesn't cover ANY chemo! Some of his treatments were costing over $30k a month. He was able to get grants a couple of times for some relief, but that only goes so far. Right now his prostate is sitting on one of his ribs below his heart. They've already removed part of his bladder, part of a kidney and part of something else...I think part of his stomach...I'm not sure on that. They made some pretty good money today. The auction lasted 3 hours there was so much stuff. I got a toaster oven for the RV. Erik got a long island ice tea set that was probably worth about $150 all told and he got it for $100. He then handed it to Ted who was flabbergasted to say the least. He invited us over for drinks later. :-) My basket went for $45 and the girl that got it (I think she was slightly disabled) was absolutely jumping for joy. (It was a rainy day camping basket filled with games and puzzles, books and such). It made me feel good that someone was going to enjoy it and the money went to a good cause. Erik donated a Slate computer thing (I have no idea...I just know it was a computer)...it went for $145. Lower than Erik expected, but that's okay. It wasn't being used and again, it was for a good cause. :-)
A couple of Blackhawk jerseys went for $250 each and they raffled off a nice grill and a Bears Tillman jersey. All in all, it was a great auction and will hopefully help Ted out. (We just found out that with all the stuff the campground did this summer...they raised $10,600.00! That is awesome!!)

I think we are going to go through the house and start putting things up for sale on e-bay and Craigslist. We have thousands of dollars worth of stuff that we had bought when we first got married that is just sitting in bins in mint condition. We really need to start downsizing and while doing so, hopefully put some money in the bank.

Tuesday is our 14th wedding anniversary. I think we're going to go to a movie and out for dinner. It'll be nice. :-)

We have halloween coming up soon...so that's gonna be fun! We had a blast here last year. Went on the halloween walk and decorated it up very cool! We had our niece and nephew here for it last year...not sure if we'll do the same this year. We'll see.

Take care and God bless! :-)

Shiloh and vacation

So..my hubby calls Shiloh a devil dog. Why? He has taken several pics of her and they always come out with her eyes white...see below:

Personally, I think it's his phone. Why? Because this is what I come up with when I take a pic of her from my phone:

Is that the sweetest face? Devil dog...really? How can anyone say that about that sweet little face?!? My little bubby! ;-) Erik is just a dork! :-D

Our vacation is coming up soon and we can't wait! We're both putting in a lot of hours at work and we definitely need a vacation. Looking forward to two weeks of relaxation. Will be at the RV and going antiquing and hanging with family. Hopefully will have some decent weather and not too hot. We're also hoping to maybe go to Geneseo for the Halloween party. We can't take the rig but are considering renting a cabin for 4 days. Either that or renting an RV just so we can be there. We have to go to Geneseo at least once and it has to be during Halloween. We always have such a good time. When we finally get a truck, we'll be spending a lot more time up there. Maybe take our bikes. They have a wonderful bike path that goes along the canal. We also have our anniversary coming up and for the last few years we've gone to a very nice restaurant in Geneseo to celebrate. We're considering taking a drive up there just for dinner that night...haven't made a final decision yet.

This is the restaurant...it's called 'The Cellar'...great food!!

We just recently found out that one of the gentleman here at Blackhawk has stage 4 prostate cancer and it's metastasized. Unfortunately the treatment that he is on is experimental so insurance will only pay a small portion. So the campground has been holding several things like bake sales and poker walks...stuff like that to help pay for his treatment. They'll be auctioning off baskets at the end of the month. So, I'm going to make a couple of baskets. I'm actually pretty good at it. Have made a few as gifts before. Just trying to decide on a theme. We have our Motorhome GPS that we really don't need anymore so I was thinking of making a 'travel basket' of some sort. I'm torn between a football theme or maybe a dog theme. (Everyone has dogs here!). He's such a nice guy. Has a smile on his face all the time. He's been in remission three times and has stayed strong through it all. It's turned aggressive and all we can do is pray that the treatment will work. It will be so sad not to see his smiling face here.

We got a letter from my nephew Jared. He's in boot camp right now (Marines). He said it's hard but nothing he didn't expect. He hurt his shoulder and is hoping he doesn't get held back because of it. He would be so disappointed. I sent him back a letter with a lot of positive feedback and some jokes to help keep his spirit up. He's such a good kid and I'm so proud of him!

Well, we're getting ready to pack up and head home in a few. End of another beautiful weekend! Back to the grindstone tomorrow! :-)

Take care and God bless!! :-D

It's been quite a year!

I realized today that it's been a year since I've posted anything. Quite a lot has happened in a year...some good, some bad but it's all part of life.

We lost our dog Loki on March 28th. She was only 4 years old. It was some kind of pancreatic thing and she went very fast. She wasn't eating on Sunday, then Monday (this wasn't unusual for her so at this point there was no warning signs)...on Tuesday when she didn't eat I talked to the daycare lady that took care of her and she said she hadn't noticed anything different about her but would watch her. On Wednesday the daycare lady called me and said something was definitely wrong. She rushed her over to the vet and Loki started going into shock. They got her on an IV then I had to come and pick her up. I was very upset because it was obvious she was very sick. They heavily sedated her and said to bring her back the next morning. She fought the sedation and her temp kept dropping. I called the emergency number they gave me and they said that I was doing everything I was supposed to and just take her in in the morning. She didn't make it to morning. She died in the middle of the night. Needless to say I was devastated. I adored that dog and of course blamed myself because I hadn't taken her in sooner. Looking back, I would have done a lot of things differently, but it's too late. I miss her every day and am in tears as I type this. We got a beautiful urn for her and I still can't take down the pics I have of her on my computers and my phone. I can look at the pics but when I look at the urn I totally fall apart.

We did get another dog..(I couldn't imagine life without a dog at this point) her name is Shiloh and she is a Chihuahua mix. We're thinking Dachshund...not sure though. She's a little sweetheart. We got lucky a second time with a good natured dog. She was already house-broken and though she still has a few issues, in general, she's a good dog.

Some of you may remember that I had gastric-bypass done back in March 2012. I have so far lost 90 pounds. Would like to lose another 70 pounds, but if it doesn't happen, I'm okay with it. I feel so much better than I did at almost 300 pounds, so I can live with where I'm at now. Part of my problem is, I am a pretty heavy drinker. I drank pretty heavily before my surgery and now it's just as bad if not worse. Turns out that people that have gastric bypass have a very high risk of alcoholism. I mentioned to the psychologist I had to see before the surgery that I was a pretty heavy drinker, but he didn't see that as a problem. I saw him a few months after the surgery and he said that he doesn't really deal with that...that he just basically pushes the patients through. He actually said that! The good thing is, that I am no longer on high blood pressure meds or anti-depressants. I literally take no meds at all anymore for anything!! That is pretty awesome in itself! I know I still need to work on the drinking, but I will say that I rarely pass out anymore. That was a huge issue...(my poor hubby). (I know this is really personal, but in all honesty, it is what it is). I went into detox for a couple of days and found out that although I obviously have a drinking problem, detox wasn't necessary...no dt's, no side effects whatsoever...so it's basically on me to just quit when I'm ready...apparently...I'm not ready.

All this being said, in general, I'm pretty happy! I have an awesome husband, a great job, oh and we traded in our RV for a 5th-wheel! We could totally live in that baby! It's gorgeous and we look forward every weekend to going there. We don't have a truck to tow it, which is okay because we lease our spot yearly...we'll be there for at least another two years. Hopefully by then we'll be able to buy a truck to tow the Montana. (40 ft of awesomeness!!) :-)

One of the reasons we leased where we did was to be closer to my family. My mom has alzheimers and my dad has gone through several surgeries over the past year. He told me that he wouldn't have gone through what he went through if he wasn't so concerned over my mom. He is so afraid of dying and leaving her. It just breaks my heart. He knows we would all be there for her if God forbid something happened to him...but it is stressing him out at the thought of putting any kind of burden on any of us. No matter what we say in the matter, that we would do whatever is necessary to take care of her, it's still taking a toll on him and we (my sister, brothers and I) feel helpless at this point. Part of the problem is that my mom said that if she ever found out she had alzheimers (after watching her father die from it), that she would kill herself. So my dad has made it clear that no one is to mention it to her in her lucid moments. Period! He has said that when he has tried to talk to her about it, that she either gets angry or cries, so he just doesn't say anything anymore and just deals with it. She was down to 85 pounds a month ago because she has no interest in food. She would have an Ensure once a day and felt that was enough. So, my sister and I decided that we would order 3 cases of Ensure to see if she would drink more than one a day...and she is. Sometimes 3 a day now. She has gained 10 pounds in the last month so that is awesome! I have it set so she gets 3 cases a month of Ensure. She's thrilled because she loves the strawberry. Hey...whatever works..right?!?!?

Things get tough now and then but like I said, it's all part of life. I know I am eventually going to lose my parents and it's going to be very difficult to handle, but I'll get through it. I know Erik will be there for me and my sister and brothers and I will stick together and our family will still get together at least once a month or more if possible, just like we do now. Our parents have taught us over the years that family is so important. We have all gone to different places and have all come back home. My parents have been married for 51 years. They have stuck together through thick and thin. They have been our mentors, our teachers, our friends. I can't imagine what my life is going to be like without them. Erik lost his mom 4 years ago and I know it's been really hard on him. He misses her every day and my heart goes out to him. She was a wonderful lady and I truly miss her. I still have her phone number on my cell phone. I haven't been able to delete it. (I feel so bad for Erik because his brother puts a price on their relationship so he has to deal with that...it's a very sad situation because Erik feels he really has nowhere else to go now that his mom is gone). My family loves Erik but it's just not the same.

I know I'm kind of all over the place here, but I just had so much to say...my brain was kind of racing as I was typing away. It's been an interesting year to say the least. Oh...I finally made it to Graceland! Been wanting to go all my life. (Still love Elvis!!) It was bittersweet though because Loki died on the 28th of March and we were leaving on the 29th of March for our trip. I cried every night while we were there. To be honest, I didn't want to be home during that time. I couldn't even imagine it. That week away was hard, but it would have been worse being home. I still cried pretty much every night for a month.

Okay...enough sad stuff!!! What else happened this past year...hmm...not a whole lot more. I think I mentioned all the important stuff. God has blessed us in so many ways...we have our ups and downs like anyone else, but through our faith, we get through it.

Take care and God bless!

I have no idea who the author is, but whoever it is, they are right on target.

'SAVE THE BEANS!!'

My husband and I went camping this past weekend and had my step-son Thorin and his boys over Saturday night and Sunday morning.

I decided on Saturday to make a ‘bean stew’ type dish to go with the hamburgers and hot dogs and such.  I didn’t have the exact recipe so had to kind of work on it thru the day.  Starting around 12:30ish, I started making it…throwing in three different cans of beans, a pound of hamburger, a can of tomato sauce (these are the basics)…then adding onion, worschterschier (sp?) sauce, brown sugar then taste testing and adding mustard, salt and pepper, seasoning salt, taste testing, then ketchup, more brown sugar and more worscheterschier (sp?) sauce.  Letting it cook and simmer for about 4 hours.  It was really good and Erik just loved it and it was something I could eat.

I was so looking forward to having Thorin and the boys try it.  So, come dinner time, Erik was finishing up the meat on the grill, the boys were helping me put stuff on the picnic table and the last thing to come out was ‘Ronda’s bean stew’!  I grabbed a pot holder and with the pan of bubbling stew in front of me walked down the RV steps when all the sudden, there was no ground under my foot.  The step stool was gone and I went down about a foot and half on to the ground.  It was weird how it happened.  It was like super fast, but also in slow motion.  I just remember thinking before my body hit the ground ‘SAVE THE BEANS’…I hit the ground pretty hard.  I sat up and Erik and Thorin were running towards me, but all I could think about was all the time and effort I put into those beans which were now all over the ground.  L

A split second later, I noticed that although there was a huge pile of stew on the ground…about 2 feet away sat the pan…upright and still almost half full!!! 

Erik and Thorin helped me up and checked to see if I was okay (which I was), but all I cared about was those beans.  Then I turned to my left and saw the stew sauce splattered all over the side of the RV.  (HORROR!!!!!!)  I picked up the pot of beans and put it on the table then ran in and grabbed some wet paper towels to start cleaning off the RV and Erik tried to stop me.  He’s like…hmm RV or wife in hospital.  The RV was fine…leave it!  He grabbed some Windex and started cleaning it.  All was well.

Everything turned out okay…just a few scrapes and no broken bones.  Everyone cleaned out what was left of the beans and really seemed to enjoy them.  (They probably ate them just to make me happy after all that, but it didn’t matter…I didn’t have to go to the hospital). 

I’m also very grateful that the stew didn’t end up over anyone.  That would have been really bad!!

Oh…and my wonderful husband allowed Loki to eat some of the bean stew off the ground. Guess who WASN’T cleaning up her poo! (I did anyway)  ;-)

All in all, it was a great weekend...a little too hot for my taste, but fun regardless. 

Hi All! :-)

It's been quite a while since I've blogged.  I really need to get back into this. 

I had my gastric bypass surgery on March 13th.  I came back to work yesterday (March 26th)...and I'm tiiired!  Erik has been keeping me up to date with his blog and the kind responses from everyone concerning my surgery and all I can say is Thank you!  The hard part is over...now on to healing and going forward with a healthier lifestyle.  For me and hubby!! 

I've had pretty much a year of thinking and contemplating and crying and seeing my nutritionist and psychologist along with family and friends that were both supportive and undecided.  (Or even worse...extremely opinionated without doing any research or just hearing from a 'friend of a friend' how this or that didn't work). 

During this past year, I've learned that sometimes you just have to do what you feel is right...in your gut!  (lol...figuratively and literally in this case! :-) ).  This wasn't an easy decision to come by.  Yes, I've heard of the nightmares and complications in some cases.  I've heard of people dropping the weight, then in time, gaining it back.  (Singer Carnie Wilson for one example had the gastric bypass, lost the weight, gained it back and is now having the lap-band done).  She admits that she went back to her old ways.  I've been finding out more and more that people that go through this have not followed up on what they are supposed to do.  This includes counseling, support groups, exercising and of course, eating healthy. 

I know a person who is a friend of the family that went through the gastric bypass just a few months ago and she is now at a point that she can pretty much eat whatever she can tolerate.  She's dropping weight regardless of what she eats and she is gloating to everyone how thin she is getting and can eat whatever she wants.  THIS IS NOT TRUE!!!  Right now, she's like in a honeymoon phase.  Once she hits the end of that, if she continues at the rate she's going, she's going to gain all her weight back.  She hasn't gone to any follow-up appointments with her doctor, she isn't taking her vitamins, she's doing nothing she's supposed to do.

I just don't understand how anyone can go through the psychological classes, all the testing, and the surgery (including the pain afterwards), basically being on a liquid to soft food diet for almost two months and spend almost $30k (depending on your insurance coverage) and not at least make an attempt to follow-up on everything you've just gone through.  It's one thing to go on a diet and maybe not follow through with that...this is something completely different.  I understand that the surgery is just a tool to help you, but it's a MAJOR life-changing tool!

I know I might have some setbacks in the future and I know I have to be careful.  Like right now...the smell of food, ANY FOOD, makes me drool...but I can't eat it.  I know I'll go through my own 'honeymoon' phase, I just have to make sure that I go to my classes with the psychologist and to the support group and talk online to people going through the same thing.  I have to do this!  It's vital to my life now!  My biggest fear these last few years is that I would have a stroke or drop from a heart attack.  I don't want to do that to my husband if I can help it.  I love him too much!  I have to start loving myself now. 

Speaking of hubby...he has been absolutely AWESOME during this whole thing and I have so much to be grateful for.  Thank you Erik for loving me and standing by me through everything.  I love you honey!  ;-)

Facing the Truth

The key truths that people must seek out are those elements of self that define them as individuals—who they really, truly, finally and irrevocably are, deep inside. And in order to do that, they must rid themselves of illusions about all manner of forces that have distracted them and made them afraid, including traumatic experiences from childhood that made them worry about how punishing the world can be, as well as relationships with others who convinced them to abandon their deeply held beliefs or interests.

They must, essentially, reawaken some of what they were born with—the God-given, inexplicable, ultimately undefeatable capacity to move in the direction of their own, unique interests, abilities, beliefs and dreams.

This is why the image of Christ on the cross is such a powerful one.
...
Christ doesn’t give up his core self for anything.

He doesn’t surrender it even when he is in terrible pain on the cross, wondering if he is totally alone.

He doesn’t pretend that those who have hated him for his beliefs are his friends.

He doesn’t fool himself into thinking that they love him.

He doesn’t down three scotches because of the gathering storm that will take his life.

He doesn’t eat himself into oblivion.

He doesn’t change his appearance at the plastic surgeon’s office in order to avoid his persecutors or reality.

He doesn’t inject himself with heroin to kill the pain in his hands.

He doesn’t Tweet nonsense about his daily routine to people who say they’ll follow him when they really won’t and never intended to, anyhow.

He doesn’t even let hatred for his oppressors, in the final moments of his life on earth, cloud his vision of who he is and why he has come here.

This is precisely what is required of people who really want to find themselves. Because the way we lose ourselves is by turning away from realities that seemed too painful to bear as we grew up: people who insisted we abandon our feelings, our sense of right and wrong, our talents, our opinions, our most heartfelt goals, our likes and dislikes, our hopes for unconditional love.

This giving up of self is what causes all the suffering. It causes us to be depressed. It causes us to be anxious and panic. It causes us to seek all manner of self-defeating distraction. It even causes us to hear voices and see visions generated by our own thoughts boomeranging back to us as hallucinations because we have denied them an audience in our conscience minds. They’re too threatening, so we disown them, and then they own us.

The fact that Christ is resurrected is a powerful fact for anyone seeking to restore themselves to well-being—to life. Because in order to achieve a spiritual or psychological rebirth, you must be willing to abandon all the psychological defenses that have kept you from seeing your life story for what it has been. That is including the fact that some people you very much hoped would love you did not love you. That your hopes that the world would be predictable were dashed by unexpected losses. That you followed paths that felt easier when your real path would have been truer, but much harder, and that you are mortal and will have to say goodbye to everything and everyone you truly love, which should only immeasurably enhance your very love of those things and those people.

You have to be willing to die to live.

Dr. Keith Ablow