A story....with a happy ending!

Hello all…I know I haven’t blogged in awhile…no particular reason, just haven’t done it. 

I have a little story to tell.  (Some of the names have been changed to protect the innocent ;-} ).

Before I met Erik, I was married to a man for almost 10 years.  His name was David and he had three kids.  Joshua was 13, Jacob was 10 and Sarah was 5…he had full custody of all three kids.  Joshua and Jacob were from his first wife and Sarah was from his second wife.  I was his third wife.  I was 22 years old when we married, he was 31. 

Sarah’s mom was still around and she had regular visits with her.  Joshua and Jacob’s mom had left when Joshua was 3 and Jacob was 1.  She left and never turned back.  I raised those kids like they were my own and let me tell you it was quite a ride.  Their dad was a raging alcoholic and drug addict…he had been sober for two years prior to meeting me, but felt since things were going so well that maybe he really wasn’t an alcoholic and started drinking again and never got it back under control even with AA. 

Joshua had a lot of trust issues (understandably so) and for the first three years, we butted heads a lot.  When he was 16, things changed and I think it was at that point that he realized I wasn’t going anywhere.  We still had our battles once in a while, but things were much better between us.  He was a good and caring young man and I loved him very much.

Jacob was an absolute sweetheart!  He could always put a smile on your face.  Unfortunately, he took after his father and was an addict.  He had started drinking at age 8 which we found out about when he was in his first stint in rehab at age 14.  He went into rehab a total of three times between the ages of 14 and 17.  He had been born with a hole in his heart and asthma so the drugs and alcohol weren’t helping his situation.  He had so many problems, but he was such a loving child.  He died from a drug overdose at the age of 23.  He left behind a wife and two kids…one of which he had adopted.  I loved Jacob so much, but it wasn’t enough to save him.

(I wanted to adopt the boys but we needed their mother’s signature and no one knew where she was.  Sarah's mom would never have allowed me to adopt Sarah, she wouldn't even let her call me mom when Sarah asked if she could). 

Sarah was an absolute joy!  She was a very good child and was always smiling and giggling.  She was a good student and always got good grades in school.  I adored her.

When Sarah was 12, David, Sarah and I moved to Florida.  Joshua and Jacob stayed here in Illinois with friends.  Things went from bad to worse with David’s addictions.  Sarah was at an age where she was starting to get a little rebellious.  We had a pretty rough time in Florida.  After almost two years there, I couldn’t handle it anymore.  I told David I wanted a divorce. 

It was almost Christmas and Sarah was going to be coming to Illinois anyway to see her mom for a couple of weeks.  We let her mom know what was going on and told her to keep Sarah there while David and I worked out our situation.  We put everything in storage and headed back to Illinois.  I stayed with my parents and I think he stayed with a friend.

We divorced and I kept in contact with the kids but stayed clear of David.  I had gone back down to Florida to get my stuff out of storage and brought Sarah all her stuff.  I then turned the key to the storage unit over to David (through Joshua).  The only thing I had taken other than my own things were some pictures of the kids. 

When Jacob died, it was heartbreaking.  I can’t even describe the sadness.  The boys mom showed up at the funeral.  I could see in Joshua’s face the sadness of losing his brother, but at the same time, the joy of meeting his mom.  (I personally resented her being there because she hadn’t seen her boys for almost 23 years and she suddenly shows up and cries the tears of a mourning mother…I didn’t feel she had the right, but that was my opinion). 

When I left after the funeral, right or wrong, I felt like I was no longer needed.  Sarah had her mom, Joshua now had his mom…I walked away.  It was the hardest thing I had ever done, but I didn’t want to be in the way.  I didn’t want to put Joshua in a position where he might feel he had to choose or anything like that.  I figured if they needed me, they would call.  I never got the call so I figured all was well. 

Let’s move to the present day.  I have felt a lot of emptiness over the years of not having children.  When I left Joshua and Sarah, it left a hole in my soul that could never be filled.  I have felt like there was no reason for me to even be here.  If I didn’t have kids and never made a difference in a childs life, why was I here?  It’s all been a part of my depression over the years.  I’ve been seeing a psychologist for the past few months and whenever I brought up the kids I would cry.  He felt that I should try to contact them.  I didn’t know if they wanted anything to do with me all these years so I never tried.  It's been 15 years.  He said to try.

I found Joshua on Facebook.  I kept it simple and just said I wanted to know how he was and that I had missed him.  I kind of figured he would tell me to go to hell, but I had to try.  The response I got back absolutely floored me!  He told me how much he had missed me and that I had such a huge impact on his life that I would never know.  He has been married for almost 12 years and has three boys.  He said I was the only mom he’s ever known and would love to have me back in his life. (His mom left after the funeral and stayed in contact with him for about a month then decided she didn’t want anything more to do with him).  We’ve been talking for almost a month now and we finally got to see each other this past Sunday.  I met his beautiful wife Rebecca and will be meeting his boys soon.  I also got in contact with Sarah and she’s been married for 9 years and has two beautiful little girls.  She has never had any ill feelings towards me and she said that every year at my birthday she would say Happy Birthday Ronda.  They both said that they had hoped I was happy especially considering what I had gone through with their dad. 

Joshua (who mind you is only 9 years younger than me) considers me his mom and grandma to his three boys.  He told them all about me and they can’t wait to meet me.  Erik and Joshua connected right away…so that’s AWESOME! 

One more thing, David never went back and got his stuff out of storage.  (He passed away 7 years ago).   I showed Joshua and Rebecca the pictures I had, which was a pretty good stack, and they were absolutely thrilled!  They had no pictures of when Joshua, Jacob and Sarah were little.  Erik is going to put them on DVD so they have copies. 

For the first time in my life, I have felt like I made a difference in someone’s life.  I had no idea the impact I had on Joshua and Sarah's lives.  My life will never be the same.   Erik and I have a new family in our lives now and we have so much to look forward to in the future.

Take care and God bless!